My 2015 Commitments.
Seven days now.
For seven days now, I've been doing three things. Three things I've committed to doing this year. Three things that I hope will guide me toward some kind of light by the end of the year. Three things that I hope will mold me—for the better—by the time I start 2016.
Because, I wonder, could these three things change me?
The first thing is morning pages.
Today, I got out of bed at 6am, eager to get started. Because no matter what time it is, when the baby sleeps is a good time to write. I pulled out my computer, opened750words.com in a new window and started typing. About what? I'm not entirely sure. My morning pages are word vomit, a nonstop outpouring of whatever is running through my mind at the moment. Especially at 6am.
I wrote 802 words today. What can I say? I'm an overachiever.
The second thing is meditation.
Which is, you know, the toughest thing for me. A constant battle between me and my mind. I go, "Hey, Marcella, you should meditate now. It's nice and quiet over here." My mind comes back with, "Yeah, but... I don't wanna. I am le tired. "
But I do it. Currently in increments of one minute. Because I'm new, dude, go easy on me. So far, it hasn't been so bad. I'm usually ready to go for longer when the timer is up. Next week, I'm doing two minutes, and so on.
Most people like focusing on their breath, but that's not my jive. I get in a much better zone when I'm consciously clearing my mind into a complete blank. Difficult but it works for me.
The third (and final) thing is prayer.
This I usually do with the baby. Because it's a-fanny.
When we're going through his bedtime routine, he's usually starting to get all whiny and bothered. He's all, "Just put me in the crib already, lady!" And I'm like, "But we have to read this book and say these prayers and sing a song because Babycenter says so!" (But, I mean, it works, so.) When I'm about to start our prayers, he's about to start hollering, so what do I do? I whisper. I whisper the Our Father and Hail Mary, and he is *fascinated*. He likes the whispers. He goes silent and stares at my mouth like, "How in the heck does she *do* that?" Whispering. Who knew?
Seven days now.
Will I make it 365? Doesn't really matter, does it? I'm committed to trying. I'm not so hung up on the result. The point is the process, the struggle to get it done every day, and to enjoy it as I do.
What are you committing to this year?