Right now, my heart feels heavy.
I can't even begin to wrap my head around the tragedies and suffering happening in Europe, the Middle East, and it seems like everywhere else, too. On top of that, there are personal tragedies happening closer to home.
And my heart feels heavier than ever.
A week or two before my heart got so heavy, I was listening to the On Being podcast while I was getting ready for the day, putting my shoes on or picking out my earrings when—bam!—I heard something that hit me like a ton of bricks.
"Power doesn't corrupt. Power reveals." — Adam Grant
Ever since I listened to that episode, I've been thinking hard about how everything in my life reveals something about myself—and what's revealed isn't always pretty. Some things are downright shameful.
Here are a few examples from my business life:
- When I started my own business and signed my first few clients, I felt an influx of fear and anxiety. So much so that I agreed to take on a co-founder when I didn't need one.
- When a client sent me mean emails, I defended myself with equally mean ones.
- When I started getting praise for my growing business, I let the amount of money I made define my self-worth and the kind of projects I went after, too.
The fact that I didn't like myself as an entrepreneur isn't news to me. That was part of the reason I decided to close up shop back in February.
My time as an entrepreneur revealed things about myself that I knew I wanted to change.
And change I have.
- The thoughts running through my head from the moment I wake up to when I go to sleep
- My inner-most beliefs about myself, others, and the entire world
- The things and belongings that have accumulated in my home
So why does my heart still feel heavy today?
Mostly because there are a lot of people out there that I wish did some work on themselves, too. How I wish all those people bringing tragedy and terror to our cities would do some work.
Sounds impossible, I know.
But *we* can do work on ourselves and impact our own communities, our own spheres of influence. We can do our part in our own parts of the world.
With our businesses. With what we create. With our relationships. With our attitudes.
With our very beings.
Everything that happens to us reveals the truth about who we are, but it's never too late to make those revelations as beautiful as possible.
Sending you all so much love and light, from this heavy heart of mine to yours.