One thousand one hundred and twelve days. Or three years and sixteen days. That’s how long I was an entrepreneur.
I was an entrepreneur. As in, no longer. I like how that sounds.
My company is closing at the end of the month, and it feels like warm blueberry pancakes on a Saturday morning. As in, amazing.
It’s taken me a year to pull the plug because I waited for the baby to arrive (hello, hormones!) and to find my staff (who are like family) another job. But it’s now time to officially call it a day.
There are so many reasons why I no longer want to be an entrepreneur, but this anecdote sums it up:
A grandfather (occasionally it’s a grandmother) imparting a life lesson to his grandson tells him, “I have two wolves fighting in my heart. One wolf is vengeful, fearful, envious, resentful, deceitful. The other wolf is loving, compassionate, generous, truthful, and serene.”
The grandson asks which wolf will win the fight.
The grandfather answers, “The one I feed.”
The two wolves fighting in my heart are the entrepreneur and the seeker. The entrepreneur is a rabid dog, striving and striving for more of something, anything. The seeker on the other hand is a cuddly little pup, melting into the warmth of family and friends. The entrepreneur is mean, jealous, and insecure. The seeker, on the other hand, is compassionate and relaxed.
I hate myself as the entrepreneur. I love myself as the seeker.
Not all entrepreneurs are mean and vengeful—I could’ve worked on fixing that part of me, right? But I don’t want to. I want to feed the part of me that I love, that feels good, that feeds everyone else around me, too. Because the happier I am, the happier my family is, too.
No matter what I end up doing next, I want to like myself as I do it.
So long, Marca Labs. You were good to me, most of the time. I’ll miss some of you, but I won’t miss others. But I’m grateful you happened. Sort of.