So, about decaf.

"I just don't see the point."

That's what I said when my mom suggested I try decaf coffee.

After eleven months off the stuff—nine pregnant plus two breastfeeding—I've been harboring not-so-secret wishes for a cup of joe. As a first-time mom to an awesome little guy, the desire for that morning pick-me-up has creeped into my mornings, alongside my weak knees and sluggishness. 

But more than the need for a jolt of energy, there's something about the feel of that cardboard cup that calls to me, or is it the look? 

There's also something about the feel of that cardboard cup that calls to me, or is it the look? Walking around with a coffee-cup-to-go even looks cool to me right now. Probably crazy and far from eco-friendly, but I still can't shake the craving. I see my friends with their to-go cups and I think, "My precioussss."

But, then again, I doubt myself: do I even want to go back?

On December 21st, the day after I found out I was growing the little guy inside my bell-ay, I stopped having coffee and made friends with The Headache. Truth be told, I thought The Headache would be nasty and surly, but nothing could be further from the truth. A bit naggy and annoying, yes, but not nearly as bad as I'd braced myself for.

As the little guy grew from a tadpole-looking-thing to a blue-eyed charmer, I satisfied my coffee craving with the occasional chai latte—and boy-oh-boy did it hit the spot. On top of giving me back the mmm-mmm-goodness of a warm drink in a cardboard cup, it also provided good company for my writing sessions at my local café.

All of that stopped when our little human graced us with his presence two months ago. I stopped my chai latte ritual because a newborn that doesn't sleep is a new mom's worst nightmare. But I missed my time at the café with my notebook and a good friend. I missed how light it made me feel.

So, I decided to go back. Coffee or no coffee. Chai latte or no chai latte.

If what I want is the experience, then my order just had to change—to an ultra-ridiculous decaf soy latte. And sheepishly I ask the barista, "Are you sure there's no caffeine or lactose in this? Like, super duper sure?" She cocks her head and gives me The Lookmy order is a first and she isn't happy about it.

But after that first taste of decaf soy latte, I'm hooked. I didn't see the point, but now I do. I wanted the experience. I can have it.

At my next trip to the supermarket, I pick up one of these bad boys: